How does one let go? When you hold something close to your heart, close enough to breathe as one, what in this world can teach you how to let go? Just to be clear, I am NOT talking about breakups at all.
Things change, people change, time changes and the biggest of all, circumstances change and you are left with clinging on to all of them as they were. Changes at work I can handle. What can possibly be at stake there... nothing more than my capability and definitely not my heart. (My head does not count, I'm pathetic at maths and I can't keep track of changes at work - maybe that's the other reason I accept it so easily).
Changes in personal relationships though, can wreak me to the very core. Thankfully there are very few people that I allow to affect me in this manner, but currently even that few is churning my world upside down! I've tried everything I preach when I console others. Now I empathise with the ones I've consoled. Oh if they saw me now, they'd enjoy it I think! The wild one in me is sneering at myself. How wise I thought I was and what a fool I actually am. I think I am in control of my life and then I have this urge to pen something like this.
Whats there to let go;
- The warmth it fills my heart with, the heady feeling of life's greatest high
- The sensations I'm overwhelmed with every time I look at that reflection
- The sizzling conversations so intellectually stimulating it races my heart endlessly
- The mornings, evenings and in betweens of nothingness which are everything to live for
- The thought that nobody could ever be more perfect for me! (Grass greener effect...)
- The silent understanding, completing of sentences, reading one's mind to the T
- The anticipation and hope of every word, touch and endless fantasising
- The infinite dreams of a tomorrow that will never be
- The belief that the tomorrow would certainly be most wonderful
- The leisure of being able to get lost even in a packed meeting
- The thought that something so pure can be forbidden for endless reasons that this world can conjure
- The anguish that I never tried, that I am bound by a 100 other relations that I'd have to let go for just this one
My peace, my happiness and my tomorrow. Who decides? Is it really a supreme power? Then how come all the difficulties in front of me are created by my own beings. Laws, rules, race, rank, colour, caste, creed, customs, culture, lower, higher, status, straight, gay, religion, sub caste. I'm convinced all these things do point to a divine power, a power very twisted in its logic. Its difficult to comprehend that mere humans like myself have created these barriers. It has got to be some dark divine ruling power that sends them into a trance which today defines not only mine but every one's tomorrow in one way or the other. I wish I had my own Harry to say 'Avada Kedavra', on second thoughts Hermione would do it better. Harry is SO hyped.
An entire generation will be always be confused. Reaching for the sky and unconsciously rooted with these barriers. It takes courage to let go of the roots that you think nourished you to reach for that elusive rainbow. If only we reached for it, nobody would have to wait until the last judgement, there would be heaven or hell right here. At least heaven would get a chance, right now hell's breaking loose.
1 comment:
Still trying to come out of it, eh? There's a saying, "Parting is such a sweet sorrow." I've always found it otherwise. Bitter. Hope you find it sweet eventualy. And now, get over it... :) Easy to say, I know.
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